Life After Awakening

I’m 32 years old now.

I remember being a High School student and having a terrible case of depersonalization disorder. I felt like nothing was real, like life was happening and I was watching from a perspective outside of myself in which I was dead. It was numbing. Isolating. I felt like I lost control and was on the verge of suicide. The future looked bleak and dark. I couldn’t see the bigger picture at the time.

I smoked a lot of weed at the time, had to deal with a militant narcissistic father, teenage social awkwardness, and it was just an overall confusing time.

I never understand the people who say High School/University was the greatest time of their life. For me it felt like hell and looking back on it it was indeed the most painful period in my life so far.

That is until, a shift came.

It happened in my mid-20s.

I recall feeling stuck in my career. I remember thinking of life as being something linear. Something I had to seriously think about and plan and be a functioning member of society, just like my parents and the entire schooling system wanted me to believe for all of my life. I had to go and and be someone.

I felt like something was deeply wrong with this idea, but I couldn’t see a way out of it, letting my fear of the unknown trap me in a…